Tuesday, September 8, 2009

i sigh a lot

so emma on our way to utah, in the close quarters of the car commented to me that i sigh a lot. i have never really noticed this in myself, until she took note of it and shared. one of the many reasons i love emma is her candidness. she tells me like it is. like, "mom, you know how you feel really safe with someone special...i feel safer with david, than i do with you." or "mom, your garments are hanging out of your dress." or "mom, it's ok, old people are supposed to be fat."
well, i love this girl because she speaks her mind. i think i may have taught her this lovely personality trait, and been a fine example to her while she was growing up. so, in the car, she tells me i sigh a lot. i started thinking about it, and wondered why. i think it is all of my pent up anxiety coming to the surface. it is my way of getting all of the negative off my chest, so to speak. so, all you folks who read this, and who dont know me or know me well, are probably thinking i am a basket case. in a post or so ago, i also threw out some graphic suicidal thoughts.
let me assure you i am not a basket case, or a suicidal maniac...
just a mom of five.

so at 6:15am, eden and hunter had set their alarms, and got up on their own. no need for me to knock on their doors or tickle their feet. i stepped into the hall to find the lights peeking through their doors and little rustling noises coming from their rooms. hunter was nervous i think, asked me, "mom, did you think high school was fun?" love these honest questions he poses to me. i told him it was very fun, and something he will remember all of his life.
(just stay away from the girls, please.)
he officially has made the varsity water polo team too, so he will have the added pressure all of that brings...he has his work cut out for him. eden, the junior, i think is finally settling in on who she is and what her enormous potential is. it is mind boggling.

finally the day has come, first day of school and i found myself sighing a lot on the way home from dropping dane off to his first day of 3rd grade. i actually became aware of this annoying thing i do as i was driving. i will try and stop, and maybe relieve my stress in some other more productive way. maybe i should take up kickboxing or yoga. maybe screaming in the shower would work. or maybe i should live in a country where is it summer all the time and i can wear hardly any clothes. i hate confining clothing. a mumu sounds great about now.

so, as i sit here, i am thinking of what all of my children might be doing at this very moment...sitting in class, awaking to an alarm in another state...fidgeting in their seat, daydreaming about mario kart or some nintendo character...buttering their own toast or getting on the tracks to start a brand new day.

and yes, i will be sighing a lot and waiting anxiously for 2:30 to roll around.


emma johnson said...

you wonder where i get my anxiety about EVERYTHING from...the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree now does it??

gr8apey said...

I don't notice the sigh...but maybe i'm sighing at the same time...i will have to take notice. hopefully your being productive. i got an entire weeks worth of errands done in ONE day...that didn't happen all summer because i would feel bad being gone that long!