misunderstood

sometimes i think i am way misunderstood. complicated i know. sometimes when i speak, what i am truly feeling doesnt come out. sometimes when i dont speak, people assume things. things that i am not even thinking. i hate being judged. i hate having to constantly try to explain myself. so in my futile attempt to be understood, i am completely misunderstood. so i think i shouldnt talk anymore. feels better that way. sometimes it is better just to retreat, and keep my feelings to myself, since quite often...i am misunderstood. i am good with that. in thinking about those people i admire, they are soft spoken and humble. kind and quiet. teachable and giving. want to be all those things, and i think i AM those things...well, maybe not all the time...sometimes...on a good day. i am good with who i am, though. just know, that in my heart, i have only good stuff there. i am a decent person, in my humble opinion. i have had experiences in my life which have shaped me one way or another, maybe good maybe bad. have had totally bad stuff happen to me, and have tried to pick up the pieces as best i can. probably a little warped by it all. maybe others might think i handled this wrong, or that wrong. should have done this or that. maybe they are right, but i know i have done my best, most likely making mistakes along the way. the whole "dont judge till youve walked in my shoes" thing is absolutely correct. i am human. maybe also i am a little absent-minded, and getting senile, a little scatterbrained too. like when i forget to pull in my side mirrors on my car and totally run them into the garage. what was i thinking? i chalk it all up to numerous trauma induced brain cell killings. 

but when the day is over, i am one of the good guys.