Saturday, September 3, 2011

long overdue

so i havent really addressed the issue at hand.
i have been sort of ignoring it.
brushing it aside.
walking around in a daze, if the truth be known.

eden is gone.

there, i said it outloud.
every time this happens to me, i am driven into a funk.
but this time was different for some reason.
this time was really hard.
i was/am not myself.
and i cry/cried a lot.
i am sort of coming out of it, but can get teary eyed at a moments notice.
especially when i walk past her quiet room...
which is at the top of the stairs.
which i have to pass every time i climb them.
such awful placement.

her bed sits there empty and perfectly made.
no pajamas thrown on the floor.
the bathroom stays untouched.
no makeup stains or toothpaste in the sink.

sometimes i catch myself wondering if she is up out of bed,
or cuddling with maggie on the chaise,
when i am out.
sometimes i catch myself thinking about what to bring her home for dinner.
but she is not there, sleeping or eating.

shes where she needs to be.
and i am happy for her.
her brilliant mind being challenged.
her sweet person rubbing shoulders with others.
her little but mighty wings being put to the test.
i am thrilled for her.
because she will do amazing things.
and has potential impossible to measure.
this perfect girl of mine.

so while i miss her hanging around here, her darling, sweet face in plain sight...
i am content.
and at peace.
even if i have shed a million tears in the past week.

so on a lighter note...

this was our gurus visit with grandma.
i find myself thinking about these sweet potato fries.
a lot.
i think i may be just obsessed with food.
what is wrong with me?
i constantly am crying or thinking about some weird food.

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