last homecoming for awhile

so hunter and his cute friend darby went to homecoming together. darby has been in his group of friends for forever. i have always been drawn to her, and have made comments to hunter like, "why dont you take darby out?" or "shes the cutest one of them all"...and the last dance i was accused of paying more attention to darby than his date. got in trouble for that big time. my affection for her is known. so...he finally took my hint and they went together..cutest couple ever, in my humble opinion.

i have incredible peace.

i have incredible peace now for some reason. i am not sure the exact reason, but i am thinking it was possibly my move, or the rare opportunity to be "me". i am my own woman. no longer am i defined by who i am married to, or my children...or what i am supposed to be doing or thinking. i have calm in my life, and it is good.

my new home is a place of refuge for us. im more organized and content, and it feels very good. tranquility seems to ooze from the walls of this house. it is an uncanny thing, and i am not the only one who feels it. people who walk in feel it and talk about it. so there is something to how something "feels". i have wondered about that and why that is the case. i wonder. what makes something "feel" good? maybe that pleasant thoughts are here, and uplifting and positive vibes are echoing through the halls...only my very favorite things around me. maybe its an honest good that abounds that cannot be attacked or disregarded, lied about or stomped on.

the old house is supposedly haunted, so the kids say. haunted with what, may i ask, and what does that mean? whatever it means, it is not good. to this day they have no desire to be back there. in that cavern of an existence...luxury living or not. supposedly we had "made it" with that gaudy house. dont miss it one bit. weve gotten back to basics, learned that we dont need and that we dont even want all that "stuff". there is an offensiveness to the need to possess all those things i was lulled into thinking were critical to my happiness. what a crock. simple is good. the need and desire to seek only after whats really important in life is whats at stake here. and we realize it, and love our new sense of direction. less is more. however, i do have my beautiful deer head up (a gift from my dad) and watching over the new place. he whispered to me he likes the new place better (and likes that hes now in the front room)...but boy, if that deer could talk.

maybe, in my old age...

i am secretly vain. obsessed with how i am aging, and when and if i will tire easily from walking up stairs and have trouble getting out of bed. i have been reminded, "there are only so many summers left". not once did i ever imagine i would be this old. and i never ever thought about the realities of life i would be experiencing now. lifes constant is change...just glad everyone is aging at my same rate, and you know its bad when that miracle lift thing that is advertised on tv, looks intriguing. maybe one day i will get the courage to mess with my face. 

maybe not. 

so i have these dogs...

who im kinda obsessed with. 

my grey ghosts...they photograph really well. 

and match my furniture. 

what more could you ask for?

so much to talk about...

but i am quiet for some reason. i am tired. exhausted might be a better word. am misunderstood. and no one really knows who i am. funny, how that is. when i think i am an open book. maybe im not that after all. maybe im this really big enigma. but in the meantime...i will continue on my quest to not being a mystery. maybe i am just brain damaged. or impaired now. handicapped might be a better word. but until i get figured out, a few milestones have taken place...

yes, i am still alive...

barely.
yes, barely alive. so to recapture the last few months...lets see. well, im moving to my own place...decided that fostering 9 weimaraner puppies was a good thing to do in the middle of a move. and yes, in the words of hunter..."mom, this is the best thing you have ever done." so there, it was a good idea, and we have enjoyed these beautiful pups thoroughly...poop and all.
and cant wait to get in my own little house...did i say little? yeah, i said little and i am so happy. half the size of this cavernous monstrosity. get the keys tomorrow. and...am officially not connected to anyone. anymore. that means no one. zilch, squat, nada. no one but me. and thats a good thing. been a long time coming.

sometimes less is more.

although sometimes i miss the feel of a mans hand in mine. someday, my friend, someday i will feel that again. for now, a dog will have to do.

good stuff

so many thing to talk about...

got a new little car... 

drove to utah to get eden from school...

leigh and todd visited...

and my friend diana had a birthday. 

all good stuff.

lucky 13

not much more to say...

but i really wish i could have a bagel.

so the beat goes on

11.5

had a little stall.

not sure what was going on.

sometimes its a plateau you reach for one reason or another.

but ive stayed true to the cause.

and i already feel better.

and my clothes fit a little looser.

but i have a ways to go still.

and the dryer broke yesterday.

decided it was done drying clothes.

had had its fill of servicing a family of 7.

(well, 3 now)

so wonderful.

thank you mr dryer for choosing to give up and quit.

im going back to old school top loading maytags anyway.
im done with the fancy brands and the high priced repair bills.
theres something to be said about simple.
and less.
oh, if my house could just be taken away in a tornado.
that might not be such a bad thing.

craigslist here i come.

horton hears a who

my boy dane is an actor.

he is the unlikely star of his school play.

a diamond in the rough.

and he doesnt even know how good he is, or how perfect this part is for him.

hasnt had to practice lines or was ever worried about memorization.

this is what i love about him.

his complete naivety.

and goodness.

and brilliance.

2 performances down, 4 to go...

break a leg, my boy.

well...

i hit a milestone.

im not sure why double digits matter more...

but...

need i say more?

more drums...

drumroll please...

8 down!

monkey bread temptation

i made monkey bread.

in a different pan this time.

turned out better.

and i am proud to say i didnt even try it.

was asking eden, 

"is it good?"

she said,

"yup-its good".

thats all i needed.

so i passed the temptation test.

even made oatmeal cookies last night for my crew.

but so far, didnt lose today.

ate too many strawberries, apparently,

not enough water

and splurged on a mcdonalds diet coke.

yes, im naughty.

but back on track today.

but heres the recipe for all you fatties out there.

(this includes me)

1 package frozen rhodes rolls

1 package cook and serve vanilla pudding

1 cup brown sugar

a healthy sprinkling of cinnamon

1 cube butter.

put frozen rolls in a greased 9x13 pan

(the night before-this rises overnight)

mix up dry ingredients

sprinkle over rolls.

melt cube of butter and pour over all rolls and pudding mixture

place on counter to rise overnight

in the morning you will have glorious puffy rolls...

pop them in a 350 degree oven for about 20 minutes...

THE BEST...

although i didnt try this last batch.

trust me.

theyre good.

down 2 more...

maybe this will inspire someone

and sorry dont have a picture today.

my iphoto is acting up.

so a total of 7 so far.

and counting.

down 5 and on a roll...

this public humiliation blog weight daily log idea is pretty good.

its keeping me on task.

yes, i may seem utterly self consumed and even narcissistic,

but hey, its working, im doing it.

so bear with me.

i want to be thin.

and am not getting any younger.

one day everything is going to shut down and i will be an old lady.

dont want that to happen anytime soon.

(i will be 50 this year...eee gaad!)

so.

i am doing my part.

and that means no sugar, no white stuff and 500 calories a day.

for now.

and i feel great.

i feel energized.

and i want legs like i had in high school.

(see above photo-this is high school, a million years ago...i had great legs then)

maybe i can get them back...

since they are still attached to my body,

and still fully functioning.

thank goodness.

so, heres to lots of water and chicken breast.

(and i sold the mercedes last night-yay for me!)

down 2 pounds...

and were just getting started.

didnt cheat once.

and dont intend to.

although diet coke is calling my name.

i have been able to resist so far.

and i found this on pinterest today.

and liked it a lot.

have i told you about pinterest?

my new addiction.

and way to find new internet friends.

so fun.

day one

well, really day three.

gorged for the last 2 days...

if you know the diet, this is what you are supposed to do.

dont think i will eat at another asian buffet in awhile.

so far so good.

not hungry, no diet coke and all is well.

best diet ever.

im going to be brave

(me when i was thinner than i am now...and in the jeans toby ate...rip favorite jeans)

and blog about my diet.

i have lost and gained a lot in my lifetime.

more than i care to count.

however, now it is time to lose.

all my life i have always been fairly thin...until i had kids.

then i kept a few pounds on.

until after hunter.

i was done being "pleasantly plump".

so i did it. i lost about 30 lbs.

i have come to realize i am MUCH happier when i am thin.

i am at peace when i am thin.

i can think about good things when im thin.

when im fat, all i think about is how fat i am.

and how tight my jeans are.

and how puffy my face is.

and i think i may even feel older, and wrinklier.

and i hurt more.

(it could all be in my mind).

 all this is so not productive.

SO.

i am blogging about it.

so i will have to answer to my blog.

if i cheat or fail.

none of which i will do.

because this time i am ready.

i have hit the wall.

and if you havent heard already, i have a little help.

www.yourhcg.com

this is my crutch.

and it works. really well.
i just have to stay out of restaurants and no more diet coke.
kinda tough for this girl.
but.

i will keep you posted.

in 30 days, i will be down at least 20 lbs.

there, i said it outloud, and in public.

now i will do it.
and also will start a quilt to keep me preoccupied.

66 years and counting

so this is what happened 66 years ago today.

and when i spoke to my mother this morning, 

she said she couldnt wrap her head around it.

and if they make it to 70, they will be featured in the church news.

then she said it has been hard.

and i agreed.

it is hard.

but well worth it.

and well worth the sacrifice and selflessness it requires.

because to have someone you trust by your side.

is worth its weight in gold.

and more.

happy anniversary mom and dad.

i love you.

lets play catch up...

and all of this information will not be in order. 

and everyone is presumed innocent until proven guilty...

and the sun will still rise in the east...

so, on that note.

we have edens 19th birthday.

spent at grandma fayes house.

she came down from provo, and i met her in st george.

we went shopping and bought great harvest bread and new shoes.
drove around washington in grandpas new genesis.

i visited DI and scored dane a bunch of clothes for like $11.38.

we gorged at chuck o rama...

our favorite utah activity
with grandma and grandpa

and had costco cheesecake for dessert.
grandpa paid for car washes and toiletries.

and i think i went away only gaining 4 pounds after all the caramel/kettle corn i consumed too.

we looked at lots of old family photos and made roast beef.

dale and marty came over too

and watched the superbowl.

grandmas back still hurts and we pray everyday 

for it to miraculously heal itself.

shes a trooper for sure.

i wish i could take it all away.

but shes made out of good stuff, to use her own terminology.

we must be mother and daughter she says.

next is danes play.

hes one of the leads in suessical jr...

(horton the elephant to be exact)

a musical being put on by his elementary school.

hes doing awesome, and so excited.

(and apparently its a big deal to be picked for one of the leads-who knew?)

he and his friend carson came home today singing the songs, 

harmonizing like you cannot believe.

they didnt even realize it.

i think i have a singer/actor on my hands.

then a wonderful wedding...

richs brother gene and his bride nerette decided to tie the knot.

so i was invited to participate in the festivities.

with of course the promise of the best helper man ever.

(never experienced a man like that before)

and you know, i always welcome that invite.

even though i may sigh a heavy sigh.

and pop ibuprophen and exedrin.

its always good...and never once, have i regretted helping out.

because what i do will be remembered forever.

and that is nice.

so.

the bride wanted red and pink.

(yes, i said red AND pink)

and very traditional.

(not really a fan of red and pink and traditional-going against the grain a bit)

and what seemed like hundreds of boutineers and corsages

(everyone knows i hate making these with a passion-im not shy about telling everyone).

i was being challenged big time.

hard when the bride wants one thing and you know it might not work...

but it turned out alright.

actually quite alright.

and it did work.

much to my surprise.

only...

after i switched out the run of the mill vases for these glorious

huge fishbowls.

(which i didnt get a photo of)

i like fishbowls now.

my new favorite flower receptacle.

it was beautiful.

and was very fun to be a part of something so special.

and to see the beauty of a second opportunity.

and new love embrace those willing to give it a chance.

even though it may be hard and awkward.

i have a whole new attitude toward second chances now.

and being free to follow your heart.

and love with every fiber of your being.

now we have weird indian monuments 

found on deserted highways in the middle of nowhere.

let me tell you about our wild adventures in nevada.

not the vegas nevada, the "other" side of nevada.

the story starts like this...

eden decided it would be a good idea to lend her car to her friend.

to drive somewhere.

like california.

like stockton, california.

i guess it went something like this.

 "hey eden, can i borrow your car?"

(edens thinking like to go to rite aid for chap stick or something

or how about albertsons for some cheetos)

"sure" says eden.

(i dont think eden even knows where stockton is)

well, to make a long story short.

edens car headed to stockton...from provo.

like a hundred thousand miles away.

then...the drama started.

her trusty little car overheated.

and such unnamed drivers decided to ignore red flashing lights

warning that there was trouble under the hood.

big trouble.

so now we have one melted engine.

yes i said melted.

which needs to be replaced.

however, this trouble happened in the middle of nowhere.

on mentioned above deserted highway.

so in comes our brave rescue man...

(the man who rescues me all the time)

who hooks up his trusty trailer

to retrieve the beloved ronald.

 we found him forlorn and abandoned

(his hood broken from all the strangers looking at the damage)

in a tire shop of all places.

(again, in the middle of nowhere)

owned by some idiot named blake.

(wait, come to find out his WIFE owns the tire store

and most of the town-she was in palm springs getting a massage)

who had $500 cowboy boots on and a starched gaudy red shirt.

slick willy we will call him. 

anyway, our hero of the day, hooked ronald up and whisked him out of there.

 headed for arturos little shop in escondido.

a much better alternative to mr slick in winnemucca.

(who names a town that?)

anyway, our travels took us to some random, very bizarre monument.

so weird we had to stop and take a look.

voodooesque dont you think? 

kinda like when theres road kill in the gutter...

we even got a tour from a nice little man who lives in a trailer and his tiny yorkie with bad breath.

who only likes women and peed on every bit of art out there.

so as you can see this was a very interesting place...

set amongst incredible, beautiful scenery.

no wonder this indian guy wanted to live here.

and create here.

with his 6 kids, and wife number 2.

i guess he had another wife and 7 kids somewhere else.

all at the same time, so we were told.

hmmm.

wonder what his other house looked like?

so heres the infamous ronald.

getting a ride.

back home. 

but, before all that,

 we had to stop for a photo opp...

just call us the old hellions.

and no, we didnt pick up any hitchhikers or runaway murderers.

just a couple of rocks for my rock collection.

and a sore butt from hours in the car.

but mr hero and i seem to get along well on these adventures.

weve had a few.

and hopefully many more to come.

cuz we only have so many summers left.