i had to face letting go of my best friend.
and sending him on his way.
i would miss his constant companionship.
and the language we spoke when we looked each other in the eye.
his footsteps behind me everywhere i go.
so we made the hard decision to let him pass in peace.
and told the vet tech to cancel the emergency surgery.
she looked at us with sad eyes.
and left the room.
however, when those words came out of my mouth,
they just didnt seem right.
i ached for an answer.
plead for someone to tell me i was dreaming.
and come take all the hurt away.
and who was i to decide his fate?
my best friends life was in my hands.
i had to make a decision.
but with my strong eden by my side.
i gathered my wits and dug deep within.
searched my soul and clung onto her.
"its not his time, mom", she said quietly.
"we need to save him."
so we did.
our christmas will be meager,
and we will be scrimping to save the money it took to save him.
but he is worth every penny.
and maybe even we will learn something along the way.
about sacrifice and love.
and what it means to really love someone or some dumb dog.
who more often than not is annoying and needy.
but if the truth be known, i just couldnt bear to lose one more thing.
at least not now.
i think i would crumble up and die.
so hang on, toby.
replace all the blood you lost
and make it through the night.
come home to me.
so you can chase the tennis ball
and hog all the covers.