Monday, January 5, 2009

empty house again...

it seems like my blogs are always so ending, school starting, animals dying. i better snap out of it. well, one more sad blog of kids leaving. you would think i could get used to the idea that my kids are growing up, and what comes with that is kids leaving. i still cannot shed the agonizing empty feeling i have when my girls leave. when one leaves i am heartbroken, when two leave i am devastated. it didnt hit me this morning when emma left, until i went up to her room and saw her clothes strewn on the floor, her bed still warm from her sleepy body. she awoke ready to face her new adventure with vigor and excitement. i am proud of how adult she is, how responsible she is. she had the car started, ready to go when she came in and said goodbye. i was happy to see her drive away, knowing she is headed in the right direction, doing "big girl" stuff. i fell apart as soon as i hit the bridge to her room. no longer did i want her bed made, her room tidy. all of a sudden i wanted her room to remain a mess, mascara stained towels, empty smart water bottles all over the place and forever 21 tags lying around. i missed her purple nordstom dressing room key hung up amongst the tangle of necklaces. i will miss her quest for good food, and "hope you made dinner?" trailing off her tongue. i will miss just having her around, but know she is where she needs to be. i cant be selfish anymore.

aenon was off about a week ago. i cried on the way home from the airport. cried when i made her bed. it will remain made, the blankets tucked in for awhile. loved going in there during christmas break, a tousled mound of mahogany red hair poking up in between the sheets. loved knowing that wrinkled mess of clothes, and tired old shoes she brought with her would stay awhile. loved her halo sessions with the boys, and how she makes time for dane and all of his game requests. not only am i missing her, but dane is too. i am so proud of her, doing so well in school, with such intense educational goals. i am proud of her conquering a lot of emotional trials in her life with a sense of dignity and grace. i am so glad she has found a wonderful group of friends who she can share her life with. if you are reading this, thank you for being such great examples of kind and compassionate human beings.

good job girls, you are headed for more great new adventures. stay on the right road. i am right there by your side, with you all the way. i got your backs. always. i love you.


emma johnson said...

mom!!! dont make me cry!!! hurry up and book a flight to ptown. i miss you already!

leigh said...

book me a flight too, i want to go.... i just love that bathroom. i'm like a kid, i will come to visit!