more quiet

so i was home alone last night.

and will be tonight too.

first time in a very long time this house is this quiet.

and i am sad.

my best friend is gone.

he left.

i wish i could have been able to express to him how much he meant to me.

but i could not, for some reason.

my words didnt work.

my actions didnt work, i guess too.

i wish i could have told him how we could conquer the world.

and face our issues, and solve them all.

with a little love and patience.

but i could not.

so i need to pull myself up again.

and march on.

cuz thats just what i do.

i will miss the bear hugs.

and the crook between his arm and shoulder.

i felt safe there.

i will miss the lazy days searching out the sun.

and the walks at sunset.

i will miss eating watermelon, and tasty desserts in bed.

i will miss holding his hand...everywhere.
and the chocolate color of his skin.

i will miss him talking to strangers, like they were best friends.
and his love for his beat up airstream trailer.
the one we almost died for getting it to san diego from bakersfield via el centro.

i will miss his exciting stories of his past life.
flying fast planes and driving fast cars.
maybe even a few fast women in there too.

i will miss his strong hands, and his crooked pinky fingers.

i will miss laying on the grass at mission bay and just talking and talking.
and him making sure i dont spend my coins...because they go in the bucket in the closet.
i will miss the japanese words he recites, and the sound of his elvis voice.
his massive tree trunk legs which made mine look small.

i will miss hearing the fireworks over sea world from his house.
and the peek of ocean from his balcony.

i will miss him telling me i am gorgeous,

and the words,  i sure do love you.

but if my man is reading this...

know i always cared.

maybe more than you knew.

and know i always wanted to be with you.

because you were it for me.