so i have been accused...

of writing depressing stuff on my blog.

how my life is one big drama filled rollercoaster.
a soap opera in the making.

 my perpetual lemon tree spewing hundreds of lemons,
ripe for making delicious lemonade...
however somehow my lemon tree is strangled with loaded branches.
a trickle of lemonade stirred to sweet perfection here and there.

 the dramatic trial i am supposed to learn from and become a better person for...

the daily battle of good vs evil i am supposed to gain strength and courage from.
all to know the bittersweetness of life. 

well...

thats a bunch of crap.

i guarantee i would be a better person if i didnt have to deal with all of this.

guaranteed.

money back even.

triple money back.

i think i want MY money back...and start all over again.

so on that note, yes i am depressed.
maybe even have a little anxiety thrown in there.

it is raining.
and i am cold to the bone.

i have written many a post about how i feel when the sky weeps.
ok, ok...i admit it. i am down in the dumps.
(more often when the sun is not out).
im not crying yet, but thats just around the corner.
i need to be somewhere else right now.
and my feet are cemented in lead boots.
seems i cannot budge...
from my rut.

one day i will carry a smile no matter what the weather...
and also a happy word on my tongue.

one day my life will be in order.
one day that day will come.

and there will be butterflies and big fluffy clouds to look at.
and open windows with polka dot curtains swinging in the breeze.

 everyone will love one another,

and trust one another,

and believe in one another.

and there will be no ill will towards anyone.

or anger, or mean and cutting words.

or seeds of doubt planted in amongst us.
or bitterness or pain.

we will treat others with kindness, and thoughtfulness.

and others will do the same.

the word sorry will really mean something.

and a heartfelt hug will make it all better.
and we will know we can heal and do better next time.
and try try again.

 people will know that what you say is true.

that its not some self serving lie.
meant to distort and manipulate.

and life will be wonderful.
and sweet.

like it is supposed to be.

and i will patiently wait till all this happens.
and free myself from those heavy boots.

but until then, i will sulk when it rains.