my intimate friend

so i have an intimate relationship with a man.
i know, and alarming revelation.

one who loves me for who i am and worships the ground i walk on. 

you know, i am coming to find out this is the best kind. 
forget about all that independence crap.

just give me a man who idolizes me.

and who is a big chunk of eye candy (did i emphasize "big"?)...that always helps.

and i even looked up the word "intimate" on dictionary.com.

characterized by or involving warm friendship or apersonally close 

or familiar association or feeling

this is a perfect description of our relationship. 

this boy looks deeply into my eyes, 

understands my every move, 

no talking back or disagreements, 

is a great bed partner...doesnt even hog the covers, 

is by my side no matter what, 

defensive of our home and lets me know when 

someone is prowling around outside or is at the door 
(wish he knew how to handle a gun), 

loyal, patient and even cuddly at times....however if he 

could only help bring in the groceries or even take out the trash. 

is that asking too much? 


and if i met someone and they asked,
"so, do you have a special someone in your life?"
me: oh yes, he is awesome. been together for over 5 years
them: oh, what does he do?
me: he plays with tennis balls in the street and drools and sleeps a lot
them: (weird look on their face) oh thats nice...
me: but he adores me...loves me like there is no tomorrow
them: oh, thats good...(even more weird look on their face)
me: and my significant other has a lot of hair and wears no clothing.
hes a dog.
end of conversation.

and he poops (quite large ones too) in odd places,

and doesnt clean up after himself 

he smells sometimes, sheds,

and is grumpy and snores when he is sleeping.

hes always hungry.

and is a little bit jealous at times.

well, sounds pretty typical, now that i think about it.